Don’t know what this is from, but it’s relatable. Doing my best to live. It’s been challenging figuring out how to redevelop meaningful friend/partnerships in my 30s w/o alcohol and other drugs. I haven’t felt this insecure since adolescence. I won’t give up on it, tho—I just feel alone and exhausted often, like I’m striving for nothing at times. Sober people I know enjoy being “dead”. There lots of things I love to do, but not many left to do them with. That’s what I’ve been trying to resolve. Recovery and general happiness require a support system. This is not a single person, or a small body of homogeneous people. It is most successful with a network of support. This can be a job that gives you a sense of purpose, or is just sustainable enough that you’re content, hobbies that motivate and stimulate you in positive ways, the friends you have that make you laugh and forget about pain, family that love and support you unconditionally—all of that stuff. I barely have a couple of those things, tho. . I don’t need anyone to remind me to be sober or to motivate me to take better care of myself. I don’t even need praise like “good job for doing more than the bare minimum!”, but I feel isolated from the support systems I’ve built up over a long time. I feel vulnerable, and it comes out in weird ways. I was raised in an environment where I was not allowed to be open with my emotions. It’s stunted my emotional growth. I feel empowered to share these moments of weakness here, because it seems useful. The only people it alienates are ones who don’t matter. I find most pep talks to be corny, but don’t give up on yourself. Don’t back away from life. If you’re isolating yourself from your support networks you used to love because it doesn’t work for your sobriety—find new outlets. Be a volunteer. Adopt a bunch of fucking cats. If you’re isolating yourself from your support networks because mental illness is fucking with you—don’t do that. Work on it. I know therapy and shit be expensive, but watch some Amazon Prime or YouTube videos on Tai Chi and Yoga or some shit. Align your chakras, shove a healing crystal dildo in your ass—just work on it.